Whose movie is it anyway?

I had a conflict with my friend. She was on her way out worrying about a room we did not prepare for a guest who was supposed to come that evening. She asked me in a very tensed voice why it wasn't ready by then. I answered with an equally tensed voice that we were supposed to go and see it together the following day. She was getting more and more frustrated and enraged. I was getting more and more anxious and confused. We parted ways. She went to yoga fuming. I went to set that room wondering what went wrong.

And this is what I came up with.

We all have an agenda when we speak. We want to deliver a message. Often the person who listens to us creates a different agenda the moment they hear our first sentence. When that happens we are all in trouble. Which one is the feature movie, and which is the preview for future screening? When we agree on the feature movie things go smoothly. When we fight over it we create misunderstanding.

My friend's "movie" was about setting the room before the guests arrives. My "movie" was to establish that I was not to be blamed for the situation. Two "movies" were running towards each other seeing a crash in sight.

If I yielded to my friend and put my agenda aside, she would have felt relieved that her worries are addressed. I would have felt good taking care of business.
Why should "I" put my agenda aside and not demand that she does? Because it doesn't work this way. I have no control over what she does or not. I can only take care of my "movie screening". It is either happening now or sometime in the future when my friend is more inclined in watching it.
I was thinking that this is what Rabbi Jesus meant when he suggested people to give "the other cheek" to their opponent - go with the already running script and see where it leads you instead of running a parallel one.

What do you think?

My friend and I are so close...

When I came back from my trip to Israel I noticed that one of my friends was not very enthusiastic to see me. They answered my "hello" with a very subtle one, and in general did not seem that curious about my trip. I told myself that they must have a rougher time than usual, maybe some problems in the love arena... who knows...

Today when I saw that the behavior got more pronounced I stopped them and asked them what's up?.

They looked at me with pain and rage, then said: " What's up? You are the one to ask! From the time that you came back from Israel you haven't talked to me; Several times when I greeted you on the path you ignored me; I learnt my lesson and started treating you with even kiln."

I looked at my friend who was clearly offended, and not knowing what to say said nothing and moved on.

Sometime later while cleaning the bathtub of the second floor of 134 I smiled. My friend behaved so much like I know myself to behave. Usually I am the one who goes to the other and complains: "You don't spend enough time with me, you ignore me, you didn't let me sit next to you", and my friend is usually the one who looks at me perplexed while I am surrendered by the energy that I created - mostly on my own. This time I had the opportunity to see what it feels like to receive such a message, to be in the presence of such a friend - and I loved them even more.
Thank you for loving me my friend. I love you.

We Take Care of Each Other

Shalom,
I was conversing with a group of friends this morning when one behaved in a way that seemed protective of me. I felt resentment thinking "I can take care of myself. I don't need your protection". Then I remembered that out of my behavior in the past he could have concluded that I did need his protection, so I withdrew from the conversation thinking of a way to behave in the future that might demonstrate that I could take care of my reaction.
Once the conversation was over my friend and I had a little chat and he reminded me that I don't have to do the work all by myself; I could ask him not to protect me emotionally for the next week or so and see what happens in the interaction. That is a short cut based on communication and caring.
I really liked that. The idea that I don't have to do the work all by myself, I have friends who help me on my way. I have certainly lucked out in the friends department.
love,
aviva

How we create it all

I was reading “A Walk Through The Void” by Dov Elbaum, when a glimpse of an understanding flashed in me. Something like this:

G-d is the perfection power and the motivation for perfection in us. When we take the wrong turn, do the wrong deed, speak in a way that is not conscious we do the “tzimtzum” (contraction) just like G-d We make ourselves smaller and by that create space to walk towards expansion and wholeness. This is how there is no “real” wrong and evil because when we face them in us it is an opportunity for us to be redirected towards awareness and compassion for us and others. Every void that is created by evil is an opportunity to be refilled by righteousness.

How does it sound? Is it redundant? Could you resonate with this? Do you have a minute to respond to me?